


The Push He Needed

by NerdyNostalgia



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Feeling sorry for himself, First Kiss, Getting Together, M/M, S8 is a nightmare, Shiro's clone mentioned, [Man] and the clone are only mentioned in the nightmare, [Man] mentioned, talking about feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:49:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25431148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NerdyNostalgia/pseuds/NerdyNostalgia
Summary: Shiro begins to have a nightmare of a world where he marries another man and loses Keith. It causes him to confront what he really feels for Keith. Will he have the courage to do something about it?
Relationships: Keith/Shiro (Voltron)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 41





	The Push He Needed

Shiro swung his legs over the edge of the bed as he took in some deep breaths in a poor attempt to calm himself down. His dream had shaken him more than he would like to admit but it wasn’t something he wasn’t used to. He stood up on shaky legs and made his way to the en-suite bathroom that was attached to the Captain’s quarters. He squinted as the light turned on due to the sudden brightness and made his way to the sink. He turned on the taps and cupped some water in his flesh hand before splashing it on his face.

He sighed as the water ran down his face. He repeated the action two more times before reaching for a towel and drying off his face. Once he had done so he bunched the towel up in his hand and caught sight of his reflection. He had long ago become accustomed to the sight of the scar on his face but he was still getting used to the white hair. It made him feel older than he was. He tried not to be self conscious about his appearance but there were nights where the physical changes he had experienced got to him. It didn’t help when he had dreams that shook him by playing on a private fear. He sighed on put the towel down over the edge of the sink. He couldn’t look at his reflection anymore and made his way back to bed.

He knew that there was a slim chance that he would get any more sleep but he figured it couldn’t hurt to try. Quite frankly he just wanted to curl up into bed and go back to sleep. He just hoped that he wouldn’t have that dream again.

However it seemed that night was not his night as once he fell asleep his earlier dream returned.

* * *

_Shiro sat towards the back with the other Paladins. They felt separate from the rest of those attending. Although he knew that it made sense. He and the other Paladins hadn’t really been close to Keith since the end of the war so it made sense that they weren’t towards the front with those Keith had grown closest to in his time with the Blades._

_The Blades and those they worked with sat in front of them and they all watched as Keith and his groom stood at the altar._

_Shiro felt sick. He took deep breaths to stop himself from hyperventilating or doing something stupid. He couldn’t ruin this for Keith no matter how much he wanted to. His heart broke in his chest as he watched Keith smile at his groom the way he now realised Keith used to smile at him. He sat on his hands to make himself stay still. This was the least he could do for Keith after hurting him so much and for so long._

_He recalled his own wedding and subsequent married life. He had married a man whom he had only dated for a few months due to wanting to feel secure. It felt like the next step he was supposed to take so he had taken it. But it hadn’t felt like his own wedding. It had almost nothing he wanted in it and it had been used as a chance to boost morale after the war. He had felt disconnected from the whole thing. However the peace he had been striving for hadn’t lasted long_ _, if it had ever really existed at all_ _._

_After a few_ _weeks_ _he and Curtis had begun to live separate lives. They hadn’t connected in the way they thought they would but both had refused to end the relationship. He didn’t want to admit that his happily ever after was a farce that he had jumped into too quickly and that it was now over before it had ever truly begun. The two had begun to argue as neither could admit that their marriage was over._

_It had eventually come to a head when they had argued over Shiro’s reaction to a visit Keith made to Earth_ _a few months into the marriage._ _He had been excited to see his best friend after far too long with no contact and it seemed that had set Curtis off. They had argued about how Shiro continually put Keith before him and how Shiro needed to stop lying to himself._

_Curtis had stormed out after that argument and never come back. He had received divorce papers in the mail a few weeks later. Just like that his marriage was over. The worst part was that he had felt relieved and free for the first time in a long time. There had been very little sadness about the end of his marriage and he wasn’t sure how he felt about it._

_After some intense reflection he had released that Curtis was right. He had been lying to himself. He had been denying a truth that was plain to see now that he was looking at it. He loved Keith. He was in love with Keith._

_But what did he do with that information?_

_He had pushed down his feelings for so long that now he was dealing with them he didn’t know how to handle it. Did he tell Keith? Did he make a move? He had wasted so much time that he hoped he hadn’t blown it completely._

_He looked away from the altar as he recalled the conversations he’d had with the other Paladins. They had been relieved to hear he had finally admitted to himself what had been obvious all along but had no advice on what to do. That was until they got an invite from Keith to come to the Blades base on Daibazaal._

_Shiro had been excited to finally have a long overdue conversation with Keith and see if there was still anything between them. But his hopes had been dashed when they had all arrived._

_Keith looked happy, happier than he had in a long time. But it was the man stood beside him and holding his hand that took his attention. The man that was responsible for making Keith look so happy was a clone. His clone._

_Shiro had barely paid attention as Keith took them inside and explained how on one of his missions he had found an intact pod with a clone inside. He had nursed him back to health and over the last couple of years the two had grown closer and entered into a relationship. Now the two were ready to take the next step and get married, and Keith wanted the Paladins there on his big day._

_Shiro felt like a bucket of ice cold water had been dumped over him that day and the sensation had never left. He looked back up and studied the face of the man that Keith was promising himself to. He was his clone yes, but the two looked very different. The clone still had his original black hair and had no scar over his nose, he even had two flesh and blood arms. He reminded Shiro of his younger self and how he had looked when he left for Kerberos. The clone even called himself Kuron to differentiate himself further from Shiro._

_Shiro was brought out of his musings as the crowd around him began to clap as the two husbands kissed for the first time as newlyweds. Shiro felt his heart shatter as he watched. He wondered if this was how Keith had felt as he had said his vows to Curtis. He wouldn’t wish this feeling on his worst enemy._

_He thought back to the night of Keith’s bachelor party when he had let his feelings slip out after having a few too many drinks. It had caused a massive argument between the two. They had said some truly horrendous things to each other that night. Things that Shiro regretted to this day. He wanted to apologise but Keith had shut him out completely as the wedding grew closer. He truly felt like he had lost Keith that night. If there had been any chance to repair their friendship or whatever else had once been between them, that was now gone._

_He followed the crowd to the reception space and watched as Keith and Kuron had their first dance. He couldn’t deny that Keith looked happy, that he looked very much in love. He just hated that he hadn’t realised what was right in front of him. He hated how he had denied what was now so obvious and lost his chance. He had been too late and now he wasn’t the one who had stood at the altar and promised to share his life with Keith. He regretted everything he had done since returning to Earth and wanted nothing more than to turn back time. With that last thought he walked out of the reception_ _, it hurt too much to stay_ _._

* * *

He gasped as he woke up. The same dream again. It felt real, too real and it unsettled him in a way he’d never experienced. He was so used to his time in the arena or in the Black Lion’s consciousness haunting his dreams. Even though they were terrible nightmares he was almost used to them and knew how to handle them. Now, this new dream, left feeling unbalanced in a way that the other nightmares didn’t.

He swung his legs over the edge of the bed and put his head in his hand as the images from the dream appeared every time he blinked. Images of his clone kissing Keith, hugging him, holding him tight. All things that Shiro himself wanted. His heart hurt at the idea that it would be a clone of his that would marry Keith. But what hurt more was the idea that he would watch Keith marry someone else. He was baffled by the idea that he would marry someone else. Sure, when the war was over he would try to find a life in peacetime but the scenarios his brain conjured up were the last things he wanted. The idea of rushing into a relationship and marrying someone for the sake of settling rather than love confused him. It really didn’t seem like him at all.

Before he could about it his mind turned back to Keith...and the images of the clone kissing him. He sat up and put his fingers to his lips and he wondered what it would be like to kiss Keith. It wasn’t the first time he had thought about it. In private moments he wondered what a relationship with Keith would be like, how it would feel to have Keith in his arms, to kiss him...and so much more. He wanted it. He wanted it badly but could never get courage to say anything, especially when he wasn’t sure how Keith felt.

Sure, the younger man told him he loved him but he had also said the word ‘brother’. So how did Keith love him? As a lover or a brother?

He was too scared to ask for fear of both rejection and of ruining what he already had with Keith. He thought about the dream and the words had slipped out at the wrong moment. If he thought about it he knew that something like that was plausible. He kept his feelings bottled inside and occasionally they explode out of him if he was tired, stressed or depressed. Even if that dream, more a nightmare, was a reminder of how he didn’t want things to go how could he say the words? How could he risk everything he already had with Keith? What if it all went wrong...but what if it all went right?

The idea that things could go so wrong between them was his worst dream come true. The last thing he wanted was to lose Keith completely. If he could avoid that he would, even if he had to bury his own feelings deep down. But what if what happened in his dream happened as a result?

He dreaded the thought and felt sick to his stomach at the idea that he would do something so stupid as to jeopardise Keith’s happiness because of his own bitterness and heartbreak. He just couldn’t, he wouldn’t. He loved Keith too much for that.

But the nightmare put another idea in his head...what if Keith did have feelings for him?

If he was willing to marry one of his clones then he must find him attractive, or maybe that was his wishful thinking. But he couldn’t help but think...what if?

* * *

He continued to have the dream every night for the next week. Every night it was the same thing. He had married another man and pulled away from Keith to the extent that they were no longer in each other’s lives, let alone friends, and by the time he had come to his senses he had lost him and then ruined any chance of making things better between them. Each time he had the dream the more distressed he felt. Worse it was beginning to affect him in his waking hours.

He was becoming increasingly short-tempered with his crew and he had started to hide away in his office. It didn’t help that he had started to act like an idiot in front of Keith. So far he had managed to walk into a door frame, spill coffee on himself and mess up his words. Just this morning he had walked into a locker door that had been left open when Keith had walked out of the shower into the changing rooms. Now he was hiding out in his office from sheer embarrassment. He blushed every time he thought about it and not just because of the fact Keith had been in nothing but a towel as he checked Shiro over.

He put his head on the desk and groaned at the mental image. Both for the embarrassment and at the image of a half naked, still wet from the shower Keith. He felt like a teenager getting their first crush with the way he was acting. Why couldn’t he act normal around Keith anymore? He lifted his head enough to rest his chin on the desk and frowned as he remembered Keith’s concerned face earlier that day. He hated that he was making Keith worry but he felt like he couldn’t tell him the truth. What would he even say?

‘ _Hey Keith, I know I’ve been acting like an idiot but it turns out that I’ve been having a dream where we’re no longer friends and I have to watch you marry my clone after I completely ruined things. So you know, just a normal day where I have to pretend not to be completely, totally, stupidly, and irrevocably in love with you so I don’t ruin things._ ’

He groaned at the thought. How could he even explain this to Keith, to anyone? What was he going to do about it? He knew he couldn’t continue with the way he was acting but he also didn’t want to confess and ruin things. His thoughts turned to the dream; hadn’t it been his unwillingness to confess that had led them to the mess they became? Hadn’t his reluctance to talk been the cause of the majority of their problems?

He stared at his office door and he tried to come up with a solution. He was torn. He wanted to talk to Keith, not just about his feelings, but also about what had happened between them. He wanted desperately to have that conversation but had no idea how to start it or even what to say. The last thing he wanted was to lose Keith. The more he though about the more he realised that he was going to have to bite the bullet and reach out to Keith. Maybe he didn’t need to bring up his more than platonic feelings for his best friend, maybe they could just keep it to what happened out in space.

Taking a deep breath he sat up and reached for the data pad. He pressed on Keith’s name and typed out a message. Re-reading it he didn’t like how formal it sounded so deleted it and wrote it again. Three times this happened before he shook his head, feeling ridiculous. This was just Keith. The two messaged each other all the time. It was just his best friend...who he was about to have the most important conversation of his life with...no big deal. He took a deep breath and sent a simple message, ‘ _Want to hang out later?_ ’

It didn’t take long for a response to come back, ‘ _Sure. When and where?_ ’

’ _19:00. My quarters. I was thinking we could watch an old movie._ ’

‘ _Sure. Hunk just got in a supply of popcorn kernels. Shall I bring popcorn?_ ’

‘ _Absolutely! I'll see you later._ ’

‘ _See you later._ ’

And just like that the date was set. Shiro was going to talk to Keith tonight. He wasn’t going to back out. He was going to find some courage and bare his heart to Keith.

* * *

Later that evening he organised and re-organised his quarters. By some miracle he had actually managed to get away from his duties on time. It had given him ample time to sort things out but it had also given him time to worry. He didn’t exactly have a speech prepared but he went over what he wanted to say. He had shaken his head several times as he had thought about what he wanted to say so he couldn’t talk himself out of doing this. The conversation he wanted to have was one he knew they both needing. It was just that one of them needed to take the first step.

His thoughts lingered on his reoccurring dream for a moment. Having that happen was far worse than anything he could imagine happening with the conversation. Even if he came out of tonight with a broken heart, at least knowing for sure he could nurse it and he and Keith could work at remaining friends.

A knock brought him out of his musings and he got up to get it. He smiled when he saw Keith on the other side.

“Hey.”

“Hey. I brought the promised popcorn.” Keith said as he held up a bag of popcorn.

“Awesome, come on in.”

Shiro moved out of the way and let Keith in. Keith whistled as he took in the spacious accommodation that Shiro had on the ATLAS.

“Nice place.”

Shiro blushed, “Thanks.”

Shiro put his hand on Keith’s shoulder and gestured to the sofa. The two made their way over and sat down. Keith put the bag on the table and leaned back. Shiro smiled as he watched and couldn’t help but wonder when the last time he and Keith had done something like this. He tried to remember but couldn’t. Was it possible the last time was before Kerberos?

Shiro turned the first movie on and the two settled in for a night of watching bad movies. It was entertaining especially as they had actually travelled in space and could make fun of old sci-fi movies. It was a lot of fun to just relax and spend time with each other. The ability to just be silent with one another was something that both cherished as they were around noise and people all day, so it was nice to just _be_ with someone else.

But that didn’t mean Shiro’s mind wasn’t going a million miles an hour. He kept running over what he wanted to say to Keith but every time he opened his mouth to say something his courage failed him and he shut his mouth before turning back to the movie. The second movie eventually played on the screen and Shiro had begun to fidget.

“I can hear you thinking from here. What’s on your mind Shiro?” Keith asked as he turned to his best friend.

Shiro sighed. There was no getting away from it now. He turned towards his best friend as this would be a conversation that needed his full attention.

“I must admit that I asked you here with ulterior motives.”

“Ulterior motives?” Keith asked, clearly amused judging by the expression on his face.

“I wanted us to talk, really talk.” Keith’s expression fell but Shiro continued, “I know there’s stuff that we haven’t talked about that we really need to...and I don’t like anything hanging between us.”

Keith nodded and looked down at the sofa, “So what did you want to talk about?”

Shiro opened and closed his mouth a few times before sighing, “We need to talk about what happened at the clone facility first and foremost.”

Keith took in a sharp intake of breath, “Shiro…”

“You know that we need to.”

“I know.”

Shiro looked up and  stared at Keith for a moment. He sighed and brought his hand up to cup Keith’s cheek. Keith stared at him wide eyed and the movie was now forgotten by them both.

“I’m sorry Keith. I’m so sorry.”

K eith leaned into  the touch  and covered Shiro’s hand with his own , “You don’t need to apologise.”

“I do. I hurt you.”

“It wasn’t you. It was Haggar.”

“It was still these hands, this body.”

“You didn’t do those things willingly. She was controlling you. You may the way she hurt me but Haggar was the one that wanted to hurt me and she used you to do it. Do you blame the weapon or the person wielding the weapon?”

Shiro sighed and looked down, “Keith, that’s not…”

“Yes it is. I don’t blame you. I never have and I never will. The fault is with Haggar. You need to forgive yourself for the actions she caused. Not that I need to say it but I forgive you.”

Shiro took in a shuddering breath, “Keith… ”

H e truly didn’t feel worthy of Keith’s forgiveness but he had never been able to tell Keith no so if he still wanted him around that he wasn’t going to be the one to deny him.  Their hands fell and the two remained silent. Keith looked down at his lap making his hair cover his eyes.

“Do you, do you remember the fight?” He asked.

“Yes.”

“How much?”

“Everything.”

Keith swallowed loudly and opened his mouth to ask...to ask, he didn’t know what.  Shiro studied Keith for a moment and knew that this was the moment. This had to be the moment that determined the future of his relationship with Keith. Part of him wanted to keep quiet and protect what they already had but then he remembered his dream and what had happened when he did just that. The last thing he wanted for his dreams to come true so he took a deep breath and prepared to put his heart on the line.

“Did you mean it?” He asked sitting up a little straighter.

Keith looked up at him confused, “It?”

Shiro  licked his lips, “What you said when we were fighting.”

He couldn’t bring himself to say the words. He looked down into his lap as he waited of the answer. He was sure that he knew the answer and while it would break his heart, at least he would know for certain.  Keith remained silent as it dawned on him what Shiro was talking about. He had confessed his love  for his best friend.

He nodded, “Yes I meant it.”

He prepared for the soft rejection that Shiro was inevitably thinking up.

“Do you still mean it?”

“Yes.”

Shiro nodded, “ I love you too. But I want you to be happy…”

“Shiro?” Keith was confused. What was Shiro on about? It took a few seconds to click. He had said, ‘You’re my brother. I love you’. Did Shiro think he loved him platonically? Which he did but his love for Shiro was so much more than that. Shiro was his everything, his love, his heart. 

“Shiro, I think you misunderstand.”

Shiro shook his head, “No, I get it.”

Keith was beginning to panic. Shiro was getting the wrong idea so how did he  make Shiro see what he really meant? An idea came into his head and he hoped he was reading the situation right. Without any more thought he leaned forward and pressed his lips to Shiro’s. He applied pressure for a second before pulling away. As he pulled back the two sat there with wide eyes as they looked at each other. 

Keith was in disbelief that he had actually just kissed Shiro. He had just kissed Shiro! He really hoped that this didn’t mess things up between them. He couldn’t lose Shiro. Shiro couldn’t believe that had just happened. Keith had kissed him! Okay, so maybe he had the wrong idea. But could this really be happening?

“Does that clear up what I meant?” Keith asked with a blush on his face.

Shiro looked at him and the mischievous part of him rose up, “I think you need to do it again for me to really get the message. I’m not quite sure that cleared it up.  I need to be sure I really know what you meant.”

K eith looked at him confused for a moment before it dawned on him that Shiro was teasing him.  He leaned forward and was pleased to see Shiro do the same, “We definitely need this to be clear.”

They kissed again and Shiro’s hand came up to cup the back of Keith’s head. They kissed for a minute and pulled back. They smiled and sat in disbelief. They had really just kissed. They had kissed their best friend!

“So its clear how I meant it?” Keith asked.

Shiro nodded, “Yeah it is, and in case it wasn’t clear I feel the same.”

Keith nodded as he wrapped his arms around Shiro’s neck. Shiro wrapped his arms around Keith’s waist and the two sat like that for a while as they processed the fact that this was really happening. Neither could believe that their feelings were returned and that they had acted on them. It was the best case scenario.

“So does this mean we’re boyfriends?” Shiro asked into Keith’s shoulder.

The question caused Keith to chuckle and he pulled back, “Yeah it does.”

“Good.” Shiro said before leaning in and kissing Keith again. 

The two quickly stop ped as the screen next to them let out a loud bang as the credits of the movie rolled passed. They turned towards it and laughed. Shiro reluctantly pulled away from Keith and put the next movie on. He moved back onto the sofa and for a moment the two sat awkwardly. While yes, they were together and had just kissed what did they do next?

It didn’t take long before Keith settled into Shiro’s side with Shiro’s arm over his shoulders. It was comfortable and the two sat and watched the movie. Shiro looked down at his boyfriend, God he couldn’t believe he got to call Keith that, and smiled. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to the top of Keith’s head which caused Keith to look up. They shared a smile before returning to their attention to the movie.

* * *

The two lost track of how long they’d been sat watching movies but eventually Keith yawned. He sat up and stretched after being in one position for so long. 

“I guess I should get back.” Keith said as he turned to Shiro. Shiro nodded. He wasn’t ready for the evening to end just yet, but at least Keith wasn’t going far. 

Keith stood up and Shiro followed. The two made their way to the door and Keith stopped as he stepped out. The two stood awkwardly for a moment before Keith leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Shiro’s lips.

“I had fun tonight. We should do this again.” Keith said after he pulled away.

“I agree. Good night Keith.”

“Good night Shiro.”

The two shared another kiss before Keith turned and walked back to his room. Shiro stepped back inside his quarters and a goofy smile made its way to his lips. He almost couldn’t believe that tonight had been real. He and Keith were together. They were in a relationship. Keith was his boyfriend!  The thought alone was exciting but to know that it was actually true was exhilarating. For a brief moment he thought about his previous relationships and swore to himself that he would do everything in his power to make sure that he did the right thing by Keith and not mess up their relationship. He wouldn’t, couldn’t lose him. 

He sighed and decided it was time for bed. 

After cleaning up and getting into bed he hoped that he would get a good night’s sleep. He needed it. 

Thankfully that night he did. The nightmare from before was nowhere to be seen. Instead he had pleasant dreams of his and Keith’s wedding and the life that he hoped they would lead. They were by far some of the best dreams that he had ever had, and a part of him hoped that they came true.

* * *

Deep within the ATLAS the Black Lion rumbled and her eyes flashed. She was happy that her Paladins were happy. She was pleased that she could help them come to their senses and admit to each other what most could see. 


End file.
